At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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