my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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