you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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