There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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