My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
