i barfeds in our rink
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
