remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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