where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
