This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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