I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
