After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
