took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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