I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
