i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
