I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
