I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
your room smells of hookers.
And success
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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