she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
