i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
