so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
