I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My cat gives me a boner
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
