Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
