he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
