Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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