would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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