he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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