textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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