why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
