He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
