i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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