i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I didn't notice because vodka
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
