I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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