As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dignity is for republicans.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
