did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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