plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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