How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
