threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
