I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
