he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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