Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
