I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
