the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
