wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
