I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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