and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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