Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
