I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
