found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
