u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
