So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
