you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
