bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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