Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
