Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
