so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
