I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
