go do what you do best...puke behind churches
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
it's great music for shaving your balls
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
